Can I cry now?
I get up on stage to sing at my audition, open my mouth...and nothing comes out. My voice completely failed me. I managed to produce a little bit of sound, with no depth or projection to it, and the poor music director didn't even have me sing half the sixteen bars. I well and truly sucked. I have never sounded so bad in my life. My throat is raw to the point where talking hurts, and I was so embarrassed/humiliated I couldn't even explain I was sick. I just high-tailed it out of there. But they called me back to dance on Wednesday. Which is now making me hella nervous because I was soooo bad tonight I'd hate it if I blew the dance audition, too.
I was awful. Whimper. So awful I can't even cry about how badly I blew the audition. But the tears are pressing up against my eyes, you know that hot prickly feeling, and I'm refusing to cry. Instead I just laughed about it. When you're going to suck, you might as well really, really, well and truly suck :P Which I did.
And it was a good weekend, too!
Friday night we started out at Dick's, then hopped over to Whiskey's, then Sonsie. I drank a grand total of - two beers, two apple martinis and a raspberry something or another shot - which is the most I think I've ever had in my life. But I drank it over such a long period of time I was barely buzzing! And yet I still had a hangover the next...ahem...afternoon (1:30pm) when I woke up. Sigh. It ended up being Moriah, Michele, Aja, Saul, Annelisa and her friend, and me. I had a good time, and attempted my first ever "I'm going to talk to a guy in a bar." Got a couple of free drinks ;) But discovered why I don't usually talk to guys in bars. They're rarely, if ever, interesting ;P
After waking up very, very late in the day on Saturday I just bummed around the house. Rented a video and afterwards read through Soul Stone for a last edit. Printed it off and sent it to my agent today - yeah!
Sunday I went over to Steph's house and we made lunch - pad thai - and I watched her bubble-wrap breakables for her move (she insisted she didn't want help). Hung out until about three, then went home and gardened. I planted oregano, thyme, basil, cilantro, dill and parsley in my garden. If any of them grow I'll be all set for cooking this summer.
Then I went to church and sang (which I should not have, and contributed to the whole audition debacle today), was supposed to meet up with Tina afterwards but we got our wires crossed and I went to the wrong service :P Went home and drooled...er...watched Alias, then tried to fall asleep but couldn't. Had to wake up at 5:30am in order to drive to Newton and leave my car at a friend's house (hi Chee!) so I'd make it to my audition on time. I really shouldn't have bothered to show up for it. What sucks is that - no offense, and not in a vain way - I heard the other girls auditioning and I know I'm a better singer than them - normally. And was really confident up to the point I opened my mouth and tried to sing ;) I mean, I still could get a part dancing, but after tonight they'll probably tell me it's conditioned upon me never opening my mouth on stage ;P Or maybe I'm delusional and truly suck all the time. Sigh.
Okay, just tried to take a sip of water and, man, does my throat hurt! Whimper. And I probably sound like a whiny, poor pitiful me, brat right now. I'm just disappointed in myself/a perfectionist, and humiliated. Please, God, may the rest of this week not be this bad. Otherwise I think I'll apply for a permit to hide under the bed until it's over.
- D
I get up on stage to sing at my audition, open my mouth...and nothing comes out. My voice completely failed me. I managed to produce a little bit of sound, with no depth or projection to it, and the poor music director didn't even have me sing half the sixteen bars. I well and truly sucked. I have never sounded so bad in my life. My throat is raw to the point where talking hurts, and I was so embarrassed/humiliated I couldn't even explain I was sick. I just high-tailed it out of there. But they called me back to dance on Wednesday. Which is now making me hella nervous because I was soooo bad tonight I'd hate it if I blew the dance audition, too.
I was awful. Whimper. So awful I can't even cry about how badly I blew the audition. But the tears are pressing up against my eyes, you know that hot prickly feeling, and I'm refusing to cry. Instead I just laughed about it. When you're going to suck, you might as well really, really, well and truly suck :P Which I did.
And it was a good weekend, too!
Friday night we started out at Dick's, then hopped over to Whiskey's, then Sonsie. I drank a grand total of - two beers, two apple martinis and a raspberry something or another shot - which is the most I think I've ever had in my life. But I drank it over such a long period of time I was barely buzzing! And yet I still had a hangover the next...ahem...afternoon (1:30pm) when I woke up. Sigh. It ended up being Moriah, Michele, Aja, Saul, Annelisa and her friend, and me. I had a good time, and attempted my first ever "I'm going to talk to a guy in a bar." Got a couple of free drinks ;) But discovered why I don't usually talk to guys in bars. They're rarely, if ever, interesting ;P
After waking up very, very late in the day on Saturday I just bummed around the house. Rented a video and afterwards read through Soul Stone for a last edit. Printed it off and sent it to my agent today - yeah!
Sunday I went over to Steph's house and we made lunch - pad thai - and I watched her bubble-wrap breakables for her move (she insisted she didn't want help). Hung out until about three, then went home and gardened. I planted oregano, thyme, basil, cilantro, dill and parsley in my garden. If any of them grow I'll be all set for cooking this summer.
Then I went to church and sang (which I should not have, and contributed to the whole audition debacle today), was supposed to meet up with Tina afterwards but we got our wires crossed and I went to the wrong service :P Went home and drooled...er...watched Alias, then tried to fall asleep but couldn't. Had to wake up at 5:30am in order to drive to Newton and leave my car at a friend's house (hi Chee!) so I'd make it to my audition on time. I really shouldn't have bothered to show up for it. What sucks is that - no offense, and not in a vain way - I heard the other girls auditioning and I know I'm a better singer than them - normally. And was really confident up to the point I opened my mouth and tried to sing ;) I mean, I still could get a part dancing, but after tonight they'll probably tell me it's conditioned upon me never opening my mouth on stage ;P Or maybe I'm delusional and truly suck all the time. Sigh.
Okay, just tried to take a sip of water and, man, does my throat hurt! Whimper. And I probably sound like a whiny, poor pitiful me, brat right now. I'm just disappointed in myself/a perfectionist, and humiliated. Please, God, may the rest of this week not be this bad. Otherwise I think I'll apply for a permit to hide under the bed until it's over.
- D
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